7 Ridiculous Pieces of Junk Mail
Everybody hates junk mail. It clutters our mailboxes, wastes our time, and of course, it takes a tremendous toll on the environment: over 100 million trees are killed every year for the production of junk mail. But every so often, a piece of junk mail comes along that truly stands out from the crowds, that reaches a level of obnoxiousness or stupidity that deserves some sort of acknowledgment. I could probably populate the following list entirely with political direct mail (a favorite topic of mine) from the 2008 U.S. presidential election, but for the sake of variety, I have included an assortment of losers that span objectives and industries.
7. Pray for Me
This junk mail brings religion and direct marketing together in a uniquely obnoxious way. Not only are customers offered a golden prosperity cross (as worn by all today’s in vogue rappers and celebrities, I’m sure) and an epic book on the keys to salvation, but they can change their lives by simply checking off a few boxes. That said, I’m sure you’re more likely to go to hell if you check “Pray for me to receive a continuous money blessing” rather than “Pray for my loved ones.”
|
| Rapper 50 Cent sporting a Saint Matthew’s golden prosperity cross. (Image Source) |
6. Not the Babies!
The advertising wizards behind this junk mail weren’t beating around the bush. Babies, precisely like the achingly adorable boy on the envelope, are dying at this very moment. But that’s not all – more astonishing and new facts inside! Can anyone define manipulative? Why not include a burning puppy on the envelope, as well? You know, just to cover all the bases.
5. Obama: The Abridged Version
In tune with the negative campaigning in this year’s presidential election, here Senator Obama is portrayed as exceedingly soft on terrorism. The controversy surrounding Obama’s willingness to meet with leaders of hostile countries is boiled down to him thinking “terrorists just need a good talking to.” The fine print includes a selection of Obama quotations, without any context, that support this comically hyperbolic political direct mail.
4. All You Need is a Prayer Rug!
God might be omniscient and omnipotent, but unless you have a prayer rug from Saint Matthew’s Church (also featured in item #8), He might encounter difficulty hearing your requests. In order to lend credibility to the prayer rug, the mailing includes multiple testimonials on the side and bottom margins. As you might imagine, however, the testimonials only make the whole scheme more suspicious. For example, “I prayed for us to have [a blessing] someday... I had only $50.00 and that was to last until pay day which had to stretch for food and gas as well… $46,888.20 has me out of debt.” Personally, I’m wondering what happened during that last ellipsis: did the $46,888.20 drop out of the sky or did he/she simply need rob a bank? Either way, I’m not quite convinced I need to buy a prayer rug.
3. If Gary Coleman Did It…
When a child celebrity (Gary Coleman) who hasn’t acted in any notable production in decades endorses your check cashing/loan shark operation, you know you’re in good shape. Right? As pointed out by the individual who posted this junk mail on Flickr, the company, CashCall, is still in business. He writes: “I looked at their rates and they're shocking. If you borrow $10,000, they immediately take a $75 "loan fee" so you only get $9,925 in hand. The APR on this loan? 59.46%! With their payment plan, you have 120 payments of $493.22. Total repayment amount: $59,186. In short: Borrowing $9,925 will cost you $49,261!” But still, you can’t forget that Gary Coleman is endorsing CashCall. And if it’s good enough for Gary…
2. Typos Galore
Even though tremendous amounts of time and money are poured into the production of direct mailings, typos occur all the time. The examples I’ve included are some of my favorites/least favorites, and they were originally found, respectively, on a greeting card catalog cover, in an Office Depot catalog, and within the pages of The Jerusalem Post (so not technically direct mail, but amusing nonetheless.)
1. What Does Evil Look Like?
Whereas the last piece of political direct mail in this list suggested Obama was soft on terrorism, this one puts forth the idea that Obama is evil himself. The unidentified face in the photograph is intended to resemble Obama, when in fact, it’s most likely a tinted photograph of Osama bin Laden. Below is visual comparison, created by Jazz From Hell, between Osama bin Laden, the face in the mailing, and finally, Obama.
As explained by the Jazz From Hell blogger, “I showed the image to a colleague… who also thought it was Obama at first, no doubt overtly influenced by the sepia tint. By his…and surely the intended recipients' erroneous identifications, a subconscious connection is made, which is exactly what is intended.”
If you’re sick of getting junk mail, regardless of whether it’s as obnoxious as the examples included in this list, feel free to check out our free service here. Junk mail probably won’t disappear overnight, but little by little, we can start eliminating daily headaches and helping saving thousands upon thousands of trees.
